Sitting at home on a Sunday afternoon, you'd think I'd have better things to do than play on the Internet. Well, actually I do, but since I'm reading the new Emily the Strange novel, The Lost Days, I got it in my head to check out her Website (http://www.emilystrange.com/) and wandered onto her strange Badlibs. Here's what I came up with:"A LAB EXPERIMENT GONE HORRIBLY WRONG" A badlib by Jessica Marie.
"HORNK! GASPLUSH! BAKLOOIE! Terrible sounds poured from the Oddisee as Emily frantically pushed buttons and pulled levers, trying to find out what had gone so horribly wrong. She was in the final stages of a very important experiment to create a brand-new type of stalking cat. But unfortunately, it looked like she had created a hellish mutant sweet tortoise, instead! “I don’t get it,” Emily said out loud, while her faithful lab assistant and cat friend Mystery listened. “All I did was take some DNA from my big toe, add a little hairball and a cup of berry juice (you know, the stuff Johnny Depp drinks?) and mix it all in a beaker. My data shows that this should work! Mystery, where did I go wrong?” Mystery scooted loudly, then meowed into the microphone of the Oddisee. Her thoughts were translated on the screen: “bleedin' bimbo!! I mean, normally you’re pretty smart for a human, but today you acted like a big idiot. What made you think you should get DNA from your big toe? It should have come from your butt cheek! Also, I really think you should have used candy instead of hairballs - it ALWAYS makes my experiments much more interesting! And finally – I recommend blood instead of berry juice. I don’t care if Johnny Depp drinks a gallon of that stuff a day, it just doesn’t make a good stalking cat!” Emily slapped her earlobe and sighed. “You’re right, Mystery. You’re always right.” Then, turning some dials and fiddling with some ipods, she tried to end the experiment. But – fudgerola!-- it was TOO LATE! The hellish mutant sweet tortoise had escaped, and was running around the lab, breaking beakers everywhere. The last thing Emily saw was its huge, piehole mouth opening wide – and then, the total darkness of the inside of its eyeball. “HELP! MYSTERY! GET ME OUT OF HERE!” she yelled as loudly as she could. But all she could hear, from her prison inside the monster, was the sound of one cat laughing...
"HORNK! GASPLUSH! BAKLOOIE! Terrible sounds poured from the Oddisee as Emily frantically pushed buttons and pulled levers, trying to find out what had gone so horribly wrong. She was in the final stages of a very important experiment to create a brand-new type of stalking cat. But unfortunately, it looked like she had created a hellish mutant sweet tortoise, instead! “I don’t get it,” Emily said out loud, while her faithful lab assistant and cat friend Mystery listened. “All I did was take some DNA from my big toe, add a little hairball and a cup of berry juice (you know, the stuff Johnny Depp drinks?) and mix it all in a beaker. My data shows that this should work! Mystery, where did I go wrong?” Mystery scooted loudly, then meowed into the microphone of the Oddisee. Her thoughts were translated on the screen: “bleedin' bimbo!! I mean, normally you’re pretty smart for a human, but today you acted like a big idiot. What made you think you should get DNA from your big toe? It should have come from your butt cheek! Also, I really think you should have used candy instead of hairballs - it ALWAYS makes my experiments much more interesting! And finally – I recommend blood instead of berry juice. I don’t care if Johnny Depp drinks a gallon of that stuff a day, it just doesn’t make a good stalking cat!” Emily slapped her earlobe and sighed. “You’re right, Mystery. You’re always right.” Then, turning some dials and fiddling with some ipods, she tried to end the experiment. But – fudgerola!-- it was TOO LATE! The hellish mutant sweet tortoise had escaped, and was running around the lab, breaking beakers everywhere. The last thing Emily saw was its huge, piehole mouth opening wide – and then, the total darkness of the inside of its eyeball. “HELP! MYSTERY! GET ME OUT OF HERE!” she yelled as loudly as she could. But all she could hear, from her prison inside the monster, was the sound of one cat laughing...
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